So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
