well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
