Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
