the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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