Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
