He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
