I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
