Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
