We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
