How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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