just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
