i just wanna soil my oats bro
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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