I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
