Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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