How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
