wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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