Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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