i jhust puked up my retainher.
I want to have your abortion
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
