WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
