the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
