Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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