so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
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