i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I have tasted many bathrooms
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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