I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
