my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
