I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
