this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
