really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
