...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
