it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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