I think my fart just growled at me.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
