also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
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It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
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He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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