We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
