better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
