K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
