he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
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There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
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he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
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