just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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