NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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