I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
