mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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