Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
