True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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