Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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