I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
