i think my mom watched the whole time
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
