This is not my ceiling
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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