just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
