I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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