My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize