Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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