somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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