I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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