I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
