??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there's paper in my vomit.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
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