Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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