Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
