Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
