Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
There's always time for handjobs
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
