just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
