Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
