Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
