I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
