I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
