I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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