I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize