I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
