what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Who died my cat blue again?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
