I'm lost and stupid without you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
