it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
