found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
