im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
