my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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