paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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