Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
