i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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