a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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