Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
so much tequila, so little girl.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
