I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
