I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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