i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
