community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
