I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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