I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
