Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
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